Every woman’s body is different and it takes time to heal after childbirth. Regardless of whether you had a vaginal or cesarean birth, your practitioner may recommend waiting to resume sexual activity until several weeks have passed.
This is because your cervix will still be dilated, and anything placed inside can introduce bacteria that could cause infection.
1. I was in pain.
Most caregivers will recommend waiting until after you’ve recovered from your delivery to have intercourse that involves penetration. That’s because the cervix takes time to return to its pre-pregnancy state and having sex too soon can increase your risk for complications, like infection. If you had a C-section, your doctor may suggest you wait even longer.
Most people who have sex after giving birth experience pain or discomfort at some point – it’s normal, especially when it’s the first time you have penetrative sex. The pain is often because of the new shape and size of your vagina, as well as lower levels of lubrication because you’re breastfeeding or have a low oestrogen level. The pain can also be because of scar tissue forming in the area of the uterus that was opened during childbirth.
The best way to prepare for sex after pregnancy is to talk openly with your partner about your expectations and feelings. You can make a plan together to have sex when you’re both feeling ready, and consider using a lubricant to help. If you’re still having problems, ask for advice from your midwife or GP. They’ll be able to give you advice about sexual health and contraception and will ask about your experiences at your 6-week postnatal check.
2. I was afraid it would hurt.
Many women are told that postpartum sex will hurt, but it is not always as painful as expected. The discomfort is due to a combination of factors, including vaginal bleeding, breastmilk coming in, and lower levels of estrogen. The pain will often improve with time and a little practice. It is also a good idea to use a water-based lubricant to help.
Your caregiver will usually recommend waiting until you are fully healed before trying sex, especially if you had a C-section. This is because you may still be bleeding and at risk for a hemorrhage or uterine infection. You will probably be able to have intercourse without penetration before this point, but it is important to get your caregiver’s go-ahead before starting.
Another reason you may not feel very much like having sex is that you are tired and overwhelmed from caring for your newborn. A low libido is very common after delivery and it can make sex less appealing.
It is very common to experience some pain during penetrative sex after pregnancy and birth. This is mostly because of your vaginal tissue getting a little sore and the lower estrogen levels from breastfeeding. It can be a frustrating time, but it is important to communicate openly with your partner about what feels comfortable and safe for you.
3. I didn’t want to hurt my baby.
If you had a vaginal birth, it’s recommended that you wait at least six weeks to have intercourse that involves penetration. That’s because during that time, your cervix is usually still dilated and there’s a risk of infection. And if you had a cesarean, your stitches could tear during penetration, causing bleeding and possibly a hemorrhage.
When you’re ready for penetrative sex after giving birth, it’s important to talk with your partner about what they feel comfortable with and not be afraid to ask them what feels right to them. You should also be sure to use a personal lubricant to make it as pleasurable as possible.
Many new moms are so focused on taking care of their newborn and adjusting to a new routine that sex isn’t at the forefront of their mind for a while. That’s okay, and it’s normal to feel this way. Just make sure you’re getting enough physical contact with your partner in other ways, such as cuddling and kissing.
At the San Francisco Birth Center, we have a weekly new parents group where we discuss our challenges, joys and fears around parenting. Recently, one new mom shared that she had been struggling with lack of desire for sex for months after her baby’s birth. The other members of the group offered her support and encouragement, saying it was completely normal to have this experience.
4. I didn’t want to hurt my partner.
When a woman is preparing to have sex for the first time after giving birth, she might worry that the act will hurt her partner. Often, this is not the case, but it is important to know when it is not safe to have sex and why.
Many women have a low libido after delivering a baby because their bodies are recovering and they are often busy caring for their new babies. Additionally, some people have hormonal changes after delivery that make the vaginal tissue softer and more sensitive. In addition, breastfeeding can lower a person’s libido.
A new mom may also be worried that she will have an infection. If a new mom has a cesarean delivery, she will likely have a dilated cervix that can allow bacteria into her uterus and cause an infection.
It is important to listen to your body and trust yourself. You should never feel pressured to have sex when you are not ready, and it is important to communicate with your partner about what you both want from each other during sexual intercourse. Ultimately, when you are both physically and mentally ready to have sex, it will be a wonderful and loving experience for both of you. During your next check-up, your healthcare provider can let you know when it is safe to have sex again.
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