Many couples struggle with navigating the topic of sex in their marriage. They may find it difficult to talk about how often they want to have sex or how to initiate sex with their wife.
This is especially true for couples with differing libido patterns. One spouse may feel like the other is always the one to initiate and they wish it was more balanced.
1. Make it a surprise
Initiating sex can feel scary, especially for those who tend toward anxiety or passivity. If you’re not sure how to go about bringing up lovemaking, consider asking your partner what their preferred sexual initiation is. Then, you can create the right ambiance to set the stage for an intimate evening.
It’s also important to know that some couples may need a little time to get in the mood for sex. If your wife isn’t feeling it, don’t take it personally. In fact, her resistance may have nothing to do with you and everything to do with her internal signals or her current level of interest.
Having some low-pressure sexy texting during the day or leaving a romantic note on her bed can build anticipation and lead to a more sexually stimulating encounter. You can even try some physical play to bring the heat up. A little wrestling or dancing in the living room can be a fun way to build up steam and flirting skills. It’s also a good idea to talk with your sex therapist about any anxieties or fears you have around initiating sex so that you can find ways to overcome them together.
2. Make it a date
Many couples struggle with the challenge of establishing intimacy in their relationship beyond kissing and dating. A big part of that intimacy is sexual intimacy and if you’re looking to turn up the heat in your relationship, a little creativity and sexy thinking can go a long way.
It’s normal for couples to have differing sexual desires, especially in long term relationships. But it can be challenging to communicate this well and prevent sex from becoming a source of tension in your marriage.
If you’re stuck in a pattern of one partner always being the one to initiate, it may be time to break the mold. Try sending your spouse a low-pressure sext, leaving them a sexy note, giving them a massage or whispering some dirty talk in their ear.
Using these tips and others you may find on this site, can help you get your partner excited for a night of lovemaking. However, it’s important to remember that everyone has different needs and if your partner isn’t in the mood, don’t take it personally.
3. Have a conversation
Many people who struggle with sex in their marriage report that they feel frustrated when they can’t initiate sex on their own. In these cases, it can help to have a conversation about sex and sexual desires in the relationship. It can also be helpful to work with a sex therapist to find the right approach for your needs and relationship.
If you want to try a new way to initiate sex, try dropping a subtle hint or asking for it directly. You can also try wearing lingerie, leaving a sexy note, or giving her a massage. There are endless ways to seduce your partner, but it’s important to communicate what you need and know their sexual desires.
Initiating sex isn’t always easy, but it can be a lot of fun if you are on the same page with your partner. Even couples who have been together for a long time can benefit from discussing their needs and trying some new approaches. By communicating and reducing pressure, you can rekindle your passion and keep the intimacy alive in your marriage.
4. Take turns
If you and your partner are both nervous about initiating sex, try taking turns. This will help you both build confidence and trust in the process. Plus, it will keep the romance alive and make your partner feel wanted and respected.
It’s important to remember that everyone’s desires are different. It’s also normal for these desires to change over time, especially in long term marriages. If you start to feel like your spouse isn’t interested in sex, it may be time to talk about it.
Intimate intimacy is an essential part of any relationship, and it’s just as important in a sexual relationship. To get your partner in the mood, try playful flirting. Flirting is a great way to remind your partner that they are still desirable and to keep the romance alive in your marriage. You can also try more creative methods of sexy initiation, such as leaving flower petals in the bedroom or giving your partner a massage. Just remember to be careful and don’t let it become a power struggle.
5. Give her a massage
Foreplay is an important part of any healthy relationship and can be a great way to get your partner in the mood. Using your hands to rub and massage your partner can be extremely sensual. You can use a lot of different techniques to make the massage more intimate. For example, you can use your fingers, thumbs, lips, tongue, and even your feet to rub her down. You can also kiss her, whisper sweet nothings, or nibble on her ears.
You can make the massage more romantic by picking out a nice body oil, dimming the lights, and lighting some candles. You can also play some relaxing music that you know your partner likes. Once you have everything set up, have her take off her top and lie down on a bed or pillow (you can have her cover herself with a sheet if she wants to). Massage her shoulders, back, and down the middle of her chest. Then move down to her hips and finally her feet. She will love the feeling of her skin being rubbed.
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